Talking with Our Children About War, Political Unrest, and Uncertainty Related to Iran

A Resource for Iranian-American Families

*This article is informed by Dr. Shirin Vossoughi's Facebook post titled: Reflections for diasporic Iranian families and educators about how to support our children during this time.

For many Iranian-American families, moments of political tension involving Iran do not feel distant. They arrive through breaking news alerts, worried phone calls with relatives, hushed adult conversations, and the invisible weight that settles over a household when something is wrong but no one quite says it out loud.

Children notice this, often far more than we expect.

They may not fully understand what is happening, but they sense that something is different. They hear tones and read faces. They absorb the emotional temperature of a room. And in their own way, they begin to ask questions, not only about safety, but about identity, belonging, and what it means to be connected to a place that others may only see through the lens of conflict.

Our families hold a wide range of views on what is happening in Iran and in the world. This guide does not take a political position. It is simply offered as support for parents navigating one of the hardest parts of raising bicultural children: helping them make sense of a world that can be confusing, and sometimes unkind.

Children Are Already Making Sense of What's Happening

Even when we try to shield them, children are perceptive. They pick up on emotional shifts at home, overhear adult conversations, and encounter information from friends, social media, and the news. Research consistently shows that children form their own understanding of events even when no one has explained them directly.

Silence does not protect children from worry, it can leave them alone with their fears, and sometimes with misinformation they've gathered on their own. Opening the door to conversation, gently and at the child's pace, can actually reduce anxiety rather than increase it.

Talking by Age: What Children Need at Each Stage

Not every child needs the same conversation. The most important thing is to meet your child where they are.

Young Children (Ages 3–7)

Very young children do not need detailed explanations of geopolitics. What they need is to be listened to, reassured and supported in age-appropriate sensemaking. At this age, children may not be able to distinguish between what they see on a screen and what is happening nearby, so physical reassurance, hugs, calm voices, steady routines, matters most.

If they ask about something they have heard or seen, keep your answer brief and grounded in safety:

• "Some countries are having a disagreement, but we are safe here."

• "We are thinking about our family in Iran and sending them love."

• "There are lots of grown-ups working very hard to help."

Avoid exposing young children to graphic news coverage, including if it is playing in the background on the television or phone. The imagery of conflict can be overwhelming at any age, but for young children it can be particularly confusing and frightening.

Elementary-Age Children (Ages 8–11)

Children in this age range are aware that something significant is happening, and they are beginning to ask "why." They can handle a bit more context, but still need you to keep it age-appropriate and anchored in values rather than details. Asking questions and learning how they are making sense of what they are hearing is often helpful for knowing how to respond.

If they ask why there is protests, you might say:

• "Different groups are disagreeing about who should be in charge and how the country should be run, it's very complicated, and smart people disagree about it."

• You might also discuss things in terms of fairness or unfairness, which young children often understand.

This age group is also more likely to encounter comments at school. Ask them proactively:

• "Has anyone said anything at school about Iran or about being Iranian?"

If yes, take it seriously and work through it together (see the section on school below).

Tweens and Teenagers (Ages 12 and up)

Older children are often already following events on social media, sometimes in real time. They may feel strong emotions, grief, anger, guilt for being safe while others are not, or confusion about where their loyalties lie. All of these feelings are valid.

With this age group, less telling and more listening is usually the right approach. Start by asking what they know and how they feel about it. Correct factual errors gently. Discuss how to find reliable information and think critically about what they read and watch online.

Teenagers may also grapple with identity in a deeper way: Who am I in relation to this? What do I say to my friends? Am I Iranian, American, both? These are profound questions. Sitting with them, rather than resolving them quickly, is often the most helpful thing you can do.

Start by Listening, Not Explaining

When children raise questions, it can be tempting to immediately provide answers or reassurance. But what they often need first is simply to be heard. You might begin with open-ended questions:

• "What have you heard?"

• "How are you feeling about it?"

This allows you to understand what they are actually worried about, which is often different from what we assume. Some children are thinking about the safety of their grandparents or other relatives. Some are confused about what "war" means. Some aren't worried at all, just curious. Listening first communicates something essential: your thoughts and feelings matter, and I am here with you.

Make Space for Their Feelings, All of Them

Children may experience a wide range of emotions: worry, confusion, sadness, anger, or even guilt for being safe. These reactions are not problems to fix quickly; they are natural responses to uncertainty.

When children share their feelings, reflecting and validating helps:

• "That makes sense. You're worried about Maman Bozorg."

• "It's okay to feel sad about something even when it's far away."

Watch for behavioral signs that a child is processing stress without words: increased irritability, difficulty sleeping, stomachaches, clinginess in young children, or withdrawal in older ones. It is helpful to be cautious about interpreting these as  "bad behavior"; they are often the body's way of carrying a burden the child does not yet know how to name.

Offer Reassurance Without Overpromising

Children look to adults for a sense that the world is still safe. While we cannot control what happens in the world, we can anchor children in what is stable and real. They need to hear, in age-appropriate ways:

• That they are safe where they are

• That the adults in their lives are there to care for them

• That you don't have all the answers, and that's okay

Reassurance does not require certainty. It comes from presence, consistency, and a calm tone that says: we are okay right now.

Be Thoughtful About What You Share, and When

Children are highly attuned to adult emotions. When they sense anxiety without understanding its source, they can internalize it in confusing ways, sometimes feeling responsible for the stress they sense around them. They may also worry about the stress and sadness their parents are carrying. It helps to acknowledge your own feelings in a measured way:

• "I'm worried too, and I'm also doing everything I can to stay informed."

• “I feel sad sometimes, but I am ok, and we are here with you.”

But it is equally important for parents to find their own space to process fear and grief, with friends, community, or a counselor, so that children are not placed in the role of emotional support for adults. This balance allows children to feel connected to you without feeling burdened by your worries.

Also, be mindful of what children overhear. Intense conversations between adults, arguments about politics, or repeated exposure to alarming news can affect children even when they are not the intended audience. This does not mean hiding reality; it means being intentional about the emotional environment in your home.

Navigating Social Media and the News

For older children, especially, constant exposure to news and social media can amplify fear and distort their understanding of events. Consider having an open conversation about:

• How to find reliable information and recognize misinformation

• Why sharing unverified or graphic content can be harmful

• How to take breaks from the news without feeling guilty

Model this yourself. Taking breaks from the news cycle is not indifference; it is self-care, and children learn that lesson by watching you.

Preparing Your Child for School and Social Situations

This is one of the most important, and often underaddressed, challenges for Iranian-American families during periods of conflict. Children may encounter comments, teasing, or questions at school that range from innocent curiosity to genuine hostility. This is not their fault, and they should not have to navigate it alone.

Open the conversation before something happens. Ask proactively how things feel at school, whether anyone has said anything about Iran or about their background, and how they felt about it. This lowers the barrier for a child to come to you later if something difficult occurs.

Help them distinguish between people and governments. A child who is asked "Are you on Iran's side?" or told "Your country is the enemy of the US" may feel confused and ashamed. You can help them understand that being Iranian, or Iranian-American, is not the same as agreeing with or representing any government. Just as Americans come from many backgrounds and hold many views, Iranians are a diverse people with their own range of perspectives, histories, and values.

Give them simple language to respond. Depending on your child's age and personality, they might say:

• "I'm American and Iranian, it's complicated, and I'm still learning about it too."

• "My family is from Iran, but that doesn't mean I can speak for a whole country."

• "I don't really want to talk about it right now." (This is always a valid answer.)

Make it safe to tell you when something hurtful happens. Assure your child that if anyone says something unkind or makes them feel ashamed of who they are, they should tell you or a trusted teacher or counselor, and that it will be taken seriously. This may mean talking with the school or a teacher so that they are prepared to respond well should something arise. Repeated teasing, exclusion, or threatening comments is not something a child should be expected to simply endure. Know your child's school's anti-bullying policy, and don't hesitate to involve school staff if needed.

Remind them of the richness of their heritage. Being Iranian is connected to one of the world's oldest civilizations, a culture that gave the world poetry, mathematics, medicine, architecture, music, and philosophy. Nowruz, Persian art, the literature, the cuisine, the hospitality, these are things to carry with pride. A child who knows and values their heritage is better equipped to face stereotypes and distorted images without losing their sense of self.

When You Don't Agree, or When Your Family Is Divided

One reality many Iranian-American families face is conflicting views within the family. Different generations, different political perspectives, and different relationships to Iran can lead to very different emotional responses. One parent may feel one way; extended family members may feel another.

It is not necessary, and may not be possible, to present your child with a unified family position on a complex political situation. What is necessary is that children feel safe to have their own feelings without being pulled into adult disagreements or made to choose sides. Keep political debates between adults, not involving children. And if disagreements within the family are significant, reassure your child that people who love each other can see things differently.

Protect Their Sense of Stability

In times of uncertainty, routine becomes one of the most powerful sources of calm. Predictable rhythms, mealtimes, school pickup, and bedtime communicate to children that their world is still intact, even when the wider world feels turbulent.

Physical outlets also help: time outside, play, creative activities, and movement all support children's nervous systems in processing stress.

Stay Connected to Community and Culture

One of the most important protective factors for children during difficult times is connection to others and to a sense of shared identity.

Being around other Iranian families, participating in cultural traditions, attending community programs, and celebrating shared holidays helps children feel that they belong to something larger than the current moment.  This sense of community reminds them that their identity is not defined by conflict, but by history, language, relationships, food, poetry, and love.

At Chicago Persian School, this kind of connection is at the heart of what we do. Language is not just a tool for communication; it is a way of belonging. When a child can speak Persian with their grandparents, read a Persian text message, or share Nowruz traditions with pride, they carry an anchor that helps them stay grounded no matter what is happening in the world.

When to Seek Additional Support

Some children may need more support than conversations at home can provide. Consider reaching out to a school counselor or a mental health professional if your child:

• Shows persistent signs of anxiety, sadness, or sleep problems

• Withdraws significantly from friends or activities they used to enjoy

• Becomes highly distressed by news or refuses to discuss their feelings at all

• Has experienced significant bullying or trauma related to their background

You do not need to wait until things are severe. Seeking support early is a sign of strength and support, not failure.

A Closing Thought for Parents

There is no perfect way to guide children through moments like these. But there is a powerful truth that emerges again and again from both research and lived experience: Children who feel heard, supported, and connected to their families, their culture, and their community develop resilience, even in uncertain times.

Your presence matters more than your explanations. Your steadiness matters more than certainty. And your efforts to keep your child connected to language, to culture, to community, to the warmth of who you are as a family, are not small things.

They are precisely what help children know who they are, no matter what is happening in the world around them.

Chicago Persian School is a nonprofit organization based in the Chicago area dedicated to teaching the Persian language and connecting Iranian-American children to their heritage. If you have questions or resources to share with our community, please reach out at info@chicagopersianschool.org.